Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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