woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize