just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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