yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
