i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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