Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
