I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
