I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i believe in u and ur pee
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