I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
