She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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