the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
