So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
