no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
