we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
