So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
