The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
