She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
