It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize