My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
