how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
