i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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