Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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