Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
