You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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