So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
