Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
