Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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