I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He? As in you personified your dick?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
