I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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