when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
