Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
