We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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