I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
