i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
