Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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