Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
