Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize