Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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