My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
