It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
