is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
