Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
