I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
