You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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