if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
