My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
