you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
