when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
