When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
