if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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