My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
did i just pee glitter
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
