Apparently you make a good broom.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
