Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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