I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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