Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
