a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
