It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
