i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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