Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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