I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
