I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
