Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
