not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
