# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
