totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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