Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
