ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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