I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
