just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
