i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
