I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
