she looked like the before picture.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
