I wish I only lived at night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
