I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
