I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
