Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
