i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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