Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
