So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
