i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
