he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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