Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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