You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
