Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
