i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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