So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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