I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
