If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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