Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
