Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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