Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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