We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
