Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize