Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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