i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
