he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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