i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
