fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
