Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
