after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
