I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
